The Bitter Pill

My lovely sister recently listed her favorite Christmas songs, and being the caring big brother that I am, I figured I better set her straight. Now, my sister is quite the wondrous and wonderful young woman, but she simply doesn’t know some of the greats. And listing not one, but two Mariah Carey songs and two Celine Dion songs is simply inexcusable. She could kill innocent bystanders with a list like that.

So, in the interests of reducing the number of crappy Christmas songs to which we all find ourselves subjected, here’s my lists of Christmas Songs that Don’t Suck*:

Jingle Bell Rock

This is a tricky one, because you need the right version. The normally near-perfect Brenda Lee’s take on it marred by obnoxious over-production. On the plus side, it’s got the tasty guitar much of her work from that era includes — courtesy of Grady Martin, I believe. Bobby Helms version is less overblown, but ultimately pretty bland, despite the fine guitar work from Hank Garland. So, I’m giving the nod to Brian Setzer, who keeps the great guitar work, and keeps the whole thing lean and swinging.

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee

Here, Lee just flat nails it. More great guitar work from the utterly brilliant Hank Garland, and Lee’s best vocals this side of Bigelow 6-2000.

Run Run Rudolph

Because Chuck Berry is so friggin’ cool, he can make a little throwaway like this compelling. Never doubt the power of Chuck.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

For my money, I find the Dean Martin version far superior to the Ray Charles/Ella Fitzgerald Betty Carter teamup. I understand that may be some sort of sacrilige given the current (and admittedly, well-deserved) canonizing of Ray, but sorry, Martin’s just too smooth on this seduction, and it’s just not Charles’ best work. On the other hand, I suspect there are better versions I haven’t yet discovered, so further investigation may be needed.

I’ll Be Home for Christmas

I’m giving Dino the nod on this one, too, just because his version sounds a bit jazzier (and juiced up) than Bing’s.

I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas - Bing Crosby

This may be Bing’s finest moment. A surprisingly modern sounding mashup of styles, too. At least to my ears.

Blue Christmas - Elvis

Elvis. And all that implies.

Let It Snow - Frank Sinatra

Frank’s so punk rock, even beyond the grave he kicks everybody’s ass.

Happy Christmas (War is Over) - John Lennon

If you can’t figure out why this is an absolutely exquisite Christmas song (especially this year) then you’re either dead or stupid, and either way, I can’t help you. It just doesn’t get much better than this.

Merry Christmas Baby - Otis Redding

Because the neglect Otis Redding has suffered over the past 20 years or so is damn near criminal. And he had it goin’ on with this one

Fairy Tale of New York - The Pogues & Kirsty MacColl

Profane, ugly and slightly dirty — how perfect. Nice melody too.

2000 Miles - The Pretenders

One of those oh-so-sad holiday tear-jerkers, brought home by Chrissie Hynde’s inimitable alto. Note: Chrissie also did a mighty fine version of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”

Christmas in Hollis - Run DMC

C’mon, you know you like it. If you don’t, you’re way too white.

The Christmas Song

Remember when Stevie Wonder didn’t suck? If not, this will help.

Sleigh Ride - The Ventures

Now if only Link Wray had recorded some Christmas tunes

Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt

Don’t even talk to me about all the hack remakes. Eartha. That’s what it’s all about.

* List subject to change without notice. This list is does not claim to complete or accurate and should only be used for entertainment purposes, if that. All rights reserved. All wrongs reserved. Void where prohibited. Not valid with other offers. Your mileage may vary. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 4th, 2005 at 5:11 pm and is filed under General, Music. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.